what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
