I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize