Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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