They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
