Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
