so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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