I just gift wrapped bread.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
