I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
