too bad you live with your parents still
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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