Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
