you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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