i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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