Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
