If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
