Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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