is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this boner is exhausting
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
