??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
