I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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