She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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