It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
