I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
