You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
