bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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