You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize