Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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