No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
