Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
