my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
