I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
