how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
