I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
