From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
