I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
