Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
