dude i'm inner monologue high
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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