im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
