My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Two words: blizzard sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
