he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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