So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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