I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
