Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
