So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
