it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
did i just pee glitter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
