Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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