I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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