Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
