What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
