what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize