Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
