ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
