I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
