Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize