we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
