I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
