I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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