There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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