Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
