apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
