Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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