Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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