God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
