my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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