I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
