So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
