Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
