I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
