She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
