The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
