Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
