I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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